5 Feet of Fury

‘Canadian ad says women are like used cars’

There seems to be some (yawn) controversy over this ad, even though many men worth marrying would (if you got them drunk enough to admit it) prefer to marry a virgin.

And many women wish they’d waited for Mr. Worth.

But if wishes were virgins…

Ladies, there is no easy solution to this problem. The pussy is out of the bag. So here is my simple formula for improved success, which is simply Helen Gurley Brown’s old advice but adjusted for inflation:

1. Add up the number in your head

2. Divide it by 2.

3. Got it? Now just say “5.”

In 2011, five is a perfectly “respectable” number from whatever end of the telescope you are looking through. Too low to be “hot crazy bitch who will wreck my stereo while I’m at work one day” but too high to be “clingy, tearful, soon-to-be-very-fat neurotic.”