Richard Warman: exactly like Charles Bronson

I’m just watching Death Wish 2. Now, Death Wish movies can only “work” if Charles Bronson just happens to be set upon by hoodlums everywhere he goes.

In New York, in L.A., in his home, in the park, day or night — he’s a hoodlum magnet. Otherwise, as my late mother used to say about awkwardly conceived or plotted movies, “there’d be no story.”

Likewise, Warman is hurt and offended almost everywhere he goes, because everywhere he goes, bad people just happen to lie in wait. It’s like they exist merely to Offend Richard Warman, just like Lawrence Fishburn’s or Jeff Goldblum’s only purpose in a Death Wish Movie is to Attack Charles Bronson.

The same liberal types who mock these contrived, unrealistic Death Wish movies, and tut-tut about “vigilante justice” and “mindless violence” are (by an incredible coincidence that comes as absolutely no surprise to even an elementary student of human nature) the exact same people who think Richard Warman is a hero, as he continues his admittedly bloodless and cost-free (and therefore comparatively cowardly) crusade of righteous vengeance against internet Nazis in their badly panelled basements.

I’m telling you: Bruce Willis totally has to play the lead in The Richard Warman Story. No one else will do.