5 Feet of Fury

My NEW Taki’s column — Ghomeshi-quiddick: The trial of the cunt-ury!

He’s not Jewish, so I can’t predict the level of “JOOOOOO!!!”-yness in this week’s comments. Will be mostly “Girls are yucky,” I’m guessing…

Meanwhile, his female “victims” sounded like—it pained me to agree with the guy—bitter ex- or wannabe girlfriends.

(As you had guessed: None of these “victims” called the cops after these “assaults,” some of which dated back over a decade.)

I conjured up images of the typical “artsy” Toronto female between the ages of 21 and 49: a neurotic single woman with too much time on her manicured hands; her pubic hair obediently wrought into this year’s regulation design; her soul sparsely furnished with long-debunked statistics, secondhand slogans, trendy catchphrases, and piles of expensive, unwearable shoes; the blood in her veins supplanted some time back with overpriced cocktails, hand sanitizer, and sperm.

I didn’t know the half of it.