How ‘Gary’ Lost Its Glitter: My NEW Taki’s column

Surely the comments can’t possibly be too “JOOOOOOO!”-y this week…

Now, there may not be a real “Institute of Studies” – the ubiquitous Daily Mash go-to authority – but there is an Office of National Statistics, and according to its data, England’s “Garys” are indeed a dying breed.

“There were only 28 babies called Gary born in 2013,” while, for example (and rather alarmingly) 71 boys were named “Tommy-Lee.”

It would be foolish to blame the Great Gary Gap entirely on the ignominous fall of Mr. Glitter. Garys have been trending downward for some time. Not surprisingly, not a single one of the vaguely amusing “think pieces” sparked by Gary-quiddick dared to mention the camel in the room:

That as of late last year, the number one name for boys in the UK is “Mohammed.”