5 Feet of Fury

Gavin McInnes: The Trouble with Santa Claus

Gavin McInnes writes:

I’m not saying we should abolish the tradition of Santa Claus. I love the guy and his kooky visits as much as my kids do. In fact, I’m surprised more Jews don’t take him up on the offer. It’s not like he’s dressed as Jesus.

All I’m saying is, having him come by your house is magic enough. Let him leave candies in the kids’ stockings, or maybe some kind of glowing rock that maintains its heat year-round. It could be a different thing every year. What about a salamander? We could leave the tree undecorated and he could make it light up with a splash from his elven wand.

I don’t fucking know. He’s the magic guy. Think of something, Santa.