5 Feet of Fury

Canada’s ‘punctured condom’ case: My NEW Taki’s column

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Callers to the phone-in radio show we were listening to echoed our reaction: Hutchinson had done something sneaky, silly, dishonest, and pretty twisted, without a doubt. At the very least, he should have been charged with “possession of Ken Burns’s haircut.”

But “sexual assault”? Certainly not. To a man (and woman), callers opined that “fraud” would have been a more appropriate charge—something civil, not criminal.

Although almost everything about the case reeked of 21st-century dysfunction, I thought that surely there was something almost Austen-ish going on here, too. “Breach of promise” wasn’t quite the archaic tort I was groping for, but it was the only one that sprang to mind.

(Yes, my real title is astonishingly self-indulgent; I’m so pleased they let me keep it.)