5 Feet of Fury

Also? Ever noticed that the only Jew who’s ever been on The Jerry Springer Show in 28 years…

…is the host?

If you’ve sat through Springer and Maury Povitch, you know their most loyal advertisers are Devry and its off shoots.

Whatever they’re paying that fabulous black actor to glare into the camera and say, “You spend all day on the phone anyway, so call them. It’s easy!” then turn and walk away in semi-disgust, it isn’t enough.)

(Although I do miss my husband’s favorite old ad in these day-parts: the much-lower rent one with the fat black lady complaining in disbelief, “The phone company cut off my phone! Just because I didn’t pay my bill!”)

Anyway, here’s a twist:

Why watch The Maury Povitch Show to learn which of the half dozen men you’ve slept with fathered your child when it’s an assignment at your school?

Then question reads in part: “She had the state take a blood test of potential fathers.

“Based on the information in this table, why was the baby taken away by the state after the test?”

Possible answers? Cab driver, bartender, flight attendant, and guy at the club.

That was what Larry Basaj read on his daughter Audri’s homework page from Romeo High School — about 30 miles north of Detroit — and he said he flipped.

We know it’s not the “flight attendant” because they’re mostly gay, and let’s not get started on “cab driver.” The “guy at the club” is probably the best pick.

If they’d somehow squeezed the word “phone” into this “math problem,” it would be the Platonic ideal of something or other.

Oh, Larry Basaj is a white dude who actually lives with this kids and helps with their homework.

He was also the only parent who complained about the question. So.