Thank God we have The Atlantic to keep us abreast of the latest news!

Today alone:

• Lots of middle aged people hate getting old and opt for plastic surgery
• You know who are big giant procrastinators? Writers!
• Will Ferrell: Comic genius
• Know what? There’s no such thing as a “soul mate”
• The First Amendment actually doesn’t really “do” anything
• There are all these secret underground places in New York City!
• Poor women can’t afford to reject marriage — only rich ones can
• The way your family raised you might make you fat
• The Olympics were held in Nazi Germany this one time
• There are these things called “helicopter parents”!
• “Study: Keeping School Open During a Snowstorm is a Bad Idea” is a real Atlantic headline