Gavin McInnes writes:
3. YOU DON’T MIND LOOKING LIKE SHIT
Speaking of gross, we spent almost a decade wearing black shirts covered in barf, dandruff, and snot. As a new dad it’s almost impossible to make it to the office without looking like you slept on the floor of a porn theater. This is embarrassing to many fathers. We don’t care.
5. YOU UNDERSTAND BEING OBSESSED WITH PANTS
Ordering tartan bondage pants from London took months of saving and waiting, so when they finally arrived, you never took them off. Skinheads would attack anyone wearing Doc Marten boots, so owning a pair meant you were willing to die for them. So when your daughter is so attached to her red cords that you can only wash them when she’s asleep, you think, “That’s perfectly reasonable.”
8. YOU UNDERSTAND TOTALLY INSANE IDEAS
A lot of the punk ethos was about rejecting authority and thinking for yourself, which is very healthy. However, the “anything goes” philosophy often drifts into WTF territory. They passionately sing about how awesome it is to be on welfare, insist Jesus is dead, and tell you that shaved women are collaborators (whatever that means). Being bombarded with such intense levels of ridiculosity your whole life prepares you for the incredibly weird shit kids say. About once a day my son informs me that “The Bob Marley has begun” and he will usually add, “Scientists say, when you read a book to love, you just fall apart.” I totally get both concepts.
10. YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHY DRUGS ARE BAD
All drugs are bad for you, but most parents are incapable of explaining exactly why. As someone who watched about 12 people die from heroin, I can say, “Look at it this way, kid. You can fuck an 8 who has no STDs or you can fuck a 10 that has AIDS. Mixing a tiny bit of pot with a lot of beer is a great high that’s 80% as good as heroin. Why play Russian Roulette for that extra 20%?” Pot makes movies funny, but it kills your ambition. One Molly pill makes music better, but you’ll bad-trip when you get older. Adderall is just speed, and we saw what that did to Lemmy. Cocaine won’t kill you, but it will turn you into a paranoid douche. Oh, and don’t pour hard liquor up your ass. It will give you alcohol poisoning.