If the Jews really ran show business, then KISS would’ve been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame the first year they were eligible—in 1999, 25 years after the release of their first record.
Pure snobbery has kept them out. It’s a snobbery I once shared. Then I got hooked on the reality show Gene Simmons Family Jewels. In contrast to tremulous Ozzy Osbourne and his rude, rudderless spawn, Simmons’s offspring seemed smart, sane, and sober. His wife, a still-beautiful blonde, was no dummy herself. The workaholic pater familias himself (born Chaim Witz in Haifa, Israel) is Yiddisher kop incarnate, a marketing genius before either “branding” or “fandom” were words.
I happily watched Simmons making deals on the phone for season after season for the same reason I enjoy intricate heist films and footage of top-tier pit crews: the satisfaction of watching a smooth, successful professional in action.
Why was it cool to like the New York Dolls but hate KISS? Learning that Cat “I hope Salman Rushdie gets murdered!” Stevens was also on this year’s Hall shortlist, I campaigned to keep him out. I hoped that seeing a bunch of makeup-wearing horny Jew-boys get the nod would burn the bugger’s beard.
RELATED: The Clash’ only black fans who aren’t Don Letts — captured on film. Maybe they sold them that weed:
And yes, that does sound like Huell Howser, who must have been pretty excited…