‘Murray’s tennis victory has put ordinary Britons under immense pressure to be less shit, experts have warned’

(Barely) satire:

“I don’t want to excel, like most people in this country I want to do the bare minimum and dick about a bit on the internet.” (…)

Murray could have come second, everyone would have said nice things and felt a moderate amount of pride. But no, he had to go for the glory.

“Everyone’s talking about him like he’s some sort of hero, but I think he’s a very selfish man.”