Good news: the comments are still “Joooo!!” free as of 7 a.m. ET.
Bad news: I’m being mocked for writing about this topic; when they find out it was John Derbyshire’s suggestion, then what?
Anyhow — rumors that Hitachi has sabotaged their most famous export has sex toy aficionados in a tizzy.
The Hitachi Magic Wand is, ironically, one of the least erotic “marital aids” imaginable. It’s unwieldy. It’s comically loud. It’s hideous and vaguely antique, something you’d picture finding in your grandma’s bottom dresser drawer between the heating pad and the enema bag.
Whereas most vibrators are battery powered, the Hitachi plugs into the wall, which somehow just compounds its off-putting resemblance to an artifact in the Mütter Museum.
And for many women, it’s the only thing that can bring them to orgasm.
If you dare to visit the comments and emerge thinking, “Wow, that reminded me of something…” — me, too: