5 Feet of Fury

You’re barking up the wrong lay there, Howard

Howard Stern wants to fix up Louis CK and Jenny McCarthy.

Except here’s Jenny McCarthy on what she looks for in a man:

I’m one of the girls that kind of likes to be moved around in bed. I’ve noticed guys that just think missionary position, and then just pumping is the way to f**k overall, and it’s the worst. It’s disgusting. You have to flip the girl over, stick her a** up in the air, bang her, smush her face into the mattress.

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The only thing harder to imagine than Jim Carrey being such a dom (/shudder — Is that why they got together or why they broke up? Please let it be the latter…) is Louis CK doing anything more than the absolute bare minimum of sex.

Louis CK looks like he’s way more interested in eating and sleeping and very occasionally clipping his toenails at 2 a.m. while staring at informercials.

He’s like a fat old angry orange cat.