5 Feet of Fury

Remember: This guy’s ratings are higher than Jon Stewart’s and Colbert’s

Is there hope for America’s youth after all?

An Asian girl does some amazingly speedy work with a jump rope, bouncing in tiny piston-like hops while her face locks in a rapturous squint. Nothing awful happens until Tosh opens his mouth: “I bet her parents are psyched they didn’t throw her in a river when she was born—she just burned off eight bowls of rice!”