5 Feet of Fury

Sex WITH a canoe? My latest at Taki’s

This week in Canadian sex news!

Canada’s prolific pop historian Pierre Berton quipped: “A Canadian is someone who knows how to have sex in a canoe.” (…)

When you hear the word “Canada,” chances are that “sex” isn’t the first thing you think about. Hell, it’s not the first thing we think about.

“Sex” ranks way below “hockey,” “coffee,” and “lottery tickets” (and non-watery “beer”).

The climate discourages scanty fashions and potentially arousing parades of public nudity. Except for our numerous supermodels (and sometimes not even them), we’re a homely race of people.

Most of us would rather have sex with a canoe than each other. When the subject makes national news, it’s never one of those cringe-inducing British-style scandals à la Profumo.

The closest we’ve had to one lately was—I’m serious— a cabinet minister leaving his briefcase on his girlfriend’s coffee table.

(Yes, “Maxime” is the guy. And don’t get too excited: 2007’s “In and Out” scandal is as triple-X as Teapot Dome.)