5 Feet of Fury

#2: Avoid British People — Rick McGinnis’s Guide to Avoiding the Royal Wedding

Rick McGinnis writes:

Most women won’t admit it, but it’s likely that some of their Royal Wedding mania is a sham, which shouldn’t be surprising from people who can fake orgasms.

They’ve pretended to be interested when you’ve raved about the Habs’ odds this year or Star Wars or Top Gear, so this is their chance to be unreasonably obsessed with something completely ridiculous, for which you can’t even hope to feign a moment’s anthropological curiosity.

They’ll all arise on Friday morning like some zombie army, even if they’ve insisted to you that they “totally don’t care,” and will make their way to a TV or computer screen, clutching a box of tissues and a stash of chocolate they hid from you in their tampon box. I live in a house full of women and can’t take any chances…