5 Feet of Fury

Shocker: black people and white people have DIFFERENT KINDS OF HAIR!

I hope you were sitting down when you read that incredible news in the Associated Press.

Sorry if you’re fatally blown away by this startling revelation of A POINTLESS FACT THAT EVERYBODY USED TO BE ABLE TO TALK ABOUT WITHOUT GETTING THEIR NAME IN THE GODDAM PAPER.

White women have anorexia. Black women have what I call “hair-exia” — they are as obsessed with their hair as white women are with their weight.

One reason lots of black people can’t swim is because their mothers won’t teach them. They can’t afford to get their hair wet.