5 Feet of Fury

What does the State have against warm nuts? (And/or dead firemen, come to think of it)

It’s Friday. Write your own jokes.

You can get any kind of nuts you want in New York City, but if you want them warm and freshly roasted, there’s about only one shop left that still does that (…)

Jerry Cohen, who runs Economy Candy on the Lower East Side, still sells nuts, but gave up roasting. “It just became too much, with the oils and the smells and the Fire Department coming to inspect each week,” says Jerry. “You need this permit, that permit — they don’t let you live.” 

***
Overheard at Engine 8 Firehall, Manhattan:

“Yeah, I would’ve gotten killed on 9/11 — good thing I was inspecting that dangerous almond toasting machine at Julio’s Lower East Side Nuthouse instead. Phew!”

Meanwhile:

Astronaut Gives Flag Flown in Space to the National 9/11 Memorial and Museum

So now you’re thinking:

“Wait, where have I been? There’s a National 911 Memorial and Museum?!”

But actually? No, silly! There still MOTHERFUCKING ISN’T!

We do, however, somehow have the time, energy and billions of dollars to fly around in space to look at a bunch of rocks in the sky that don’t have anything on them!

But hey, we did take a flag up there so it could absorb some magical up-in-the-sky vibes or something, so it’s all good.