David Harsanyi still not that famous for some reason

From our ‘Stupid Dead Kid Ruins Cool Toy For Everyone’ file…

…the new chairman of the Consumer Product Safety Commission recently unleashed 100 agency inspectors to investigate whether or not swimming pools in America were equipped with a drain cover to prevent children from entrapment.

Nearly 0.9 children fall prey to this sadistic killer each year. With the compassionate guidance of federal officials, we will almost surely see this number plunge to 0.8 children per year.