Please don’t put Jesus in your pocket. It’s kind of a thing…

You just know journalists are gonna call this “Wafer-gate.”

Because you know, Watergate was in 1972, and we’ve been adding the “-gate” suffix to every half-assed scandal for the last 35 years, but so what?

Journalists are your moral and intellectual superiors, always on the cutting edge, progressive and creative — except when they’re not!

I keep telling you: it’s not “-gate”. It’s “-quiddick”. 

Sheesh.