5 Feet of Fury

‘Red Dawn’ remake. Blasphemy.

The bad guys/invaders will now be the Red Chinese, who knocks off America in the first 20 pages, and gets help from those stinkin’ Russians later in the movie. The cause of the invasion? Oil, of course. There are hints that America is kinda to blame, too. In today’s PC environment, that’s not too much of a surprise.

Our heroes: Jed is now a former Marine back from Iraq and Matt his high school star quarterback brother; Erica is now an Asian-American cheerleader; and Danny is the African-American star running back. Basically, all the original characters will return (including keeping the same names) but as different archetypes.

“Archetypes.” So that’s what we’re calling them now?

But will “Form 4473” make it to the screen? What about “because we live here”?

Hell, PETA will probably bitch about “wolverines”…