5 Feet of Fury

FLASH: Mark Steyn’s next “Human Rights” Tribunal foe — Barbara Cartland?

But don’t worry, the sex isn’t gonna be weird or anything. “Oh, yes, yes, yessssssss, we can!” I whimpered, as his smoldering eyes bored deep into the very core of my being and our souls met and I knew he was the only man who would ever win my heart, a heart beating so fast and loud I could barely hear what he was saying – something about executive orders, I think. “Oh, yes, give me one right now!” I cried, as my palpitating bosom burst the ties of my bodice causing my leg to vibrate so much my bustle fell off.

“Aye, you’re a comely lass,” said Squire Barack, as my tresses tumbled over my stays and his riding crop fluttered teasingly up my thigh. “But I don’t need to go a-wenchin’ in the White House Press Room…”

“No, please, good sir,” I begged, as he glided past me and gave a saucy wink to the chamber maid from The Washington Post…

Sorry, my mind wandered for a minute. Where was I?