5 Feet of Fury

Pretty sad when a writer for Cracked is smarter than you

And by “you” I mean grasping party hacks on both sides of the aisle.

Here’s a guy explaining — once again, only this time with swears, and leaving out how Al Sharpton is a tool — what the song “Barack the Magic Negro” is actually the **** about:

See, this time, bleeding hearts – this time it’s you being outrageously, fantastically, magically retarded. The term “Magic Negro” is not a disrespectful epithet hurled by D&D-playing hate-mongers, it’s not racist jargon for dark-skinned illusionists, and it’s not some complimentary new slang that’s only acceptable when used by members of the group which it refers to.

No, the term “Magic Negro” is a critical theory term, referring to a popular post-modernist concept in literary fiction and films. It refers to a stock character utilized by hack writers when deus ex machina keeps getting caught up by their spell checker. The Magic Negro is typically a secondary character – usually a prisoner or servant – who through nigh-on “magical” insight, wisdom, and patience guides the white protagonist through all of his trials and tribulations, ultimately assisting him in becoming a better human being, but without ever bettering himself.

(…)

Shanklin wasn’t digging on Obama for being so sagacious that it seems like he’s got Cliff’s Notes for life, he was digging on liberals for thinking of Obama like the world’s most powerful manservant – here to use his super-secret Economy Vision to blast away the national debt, and punch Big Oil in the gut so hard that it vomits up maintenance-free windmills. The guy is a step in the right direction, sure, but the largely white liberal-base is expecting so much of him that there very well could be blood in the streets if the end of his first term doesn’t see every American employed at the golden blowjob factory with full health coverage, free mansions, and a working Hoverboard in every garage. They’re viewing him very much like a Magic Negro character, here to mysteriously guide us white folks along without ever advancing himself, or suffering any kind of human fault along the way.

Now, a lot of people can be forgiven for not realizing the real meaning of the term. Literary rhetoric isn’t exactly pop-culture fodder, being shouted into the faces of blasé supermodels by hip-hop moguls on MTV.

But you know who should be intimately familiar with Liberal Arts terminology?

Fucking Liberals! This is your stereotype, guys!

PS: Jezuz.