From the recently resurrected Weekly World News:
A séance was held with Pro-Life leaders and Focus on the Family members seated around the bones of Joseph McCarthy. Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh used a Ouija board to contact the spirit of Ronald Reagan. Copies of the Drudge Report were smeared with chicken’s blood and read backwards. Newt Gingrich attended via telecom. A dozen Young Republican virgins were sacrificed so Ann Coulter could bathe in their blood. At the stroke of midnight, Dick Cheney shot a man in the face…
The ritual failed, however, due to John Ashcroft substituting ketchup when they had run out of chicken’s blood.
Current President Bush spent Wednesday evening at home playing Xbox.