5 Feet of Fury

First order of business: a Slavery Button

You know that commercial for the office supply chain? When there’s some office emergency, someone just pushes a big red button and makes it ok?

Well, we need a Slavery Button. One that makes a satisfying “you lose” game show noise.

From now on, whenever an American blames their problems on “the legacy of slavery”, we push the button and say:

“Sorry! You can’t use that excuse any more for why you’re a loser!! Time. For. You. To. Shut. The. Hell. UP!!”

Except here’s the problem:

America has finally thrown off the legacy of slavery.

And embraced a new form.

You’ve finally arrived on the plantation at the end of the Road to Serfdom.

This was the only way the saga of the Civil Rights Movement could end — with its bullying anti-private property tactics disguised as noble non-violence, with Martin Luther King advocating Marxism in his last days:

It has ended with the opposite of true freedom.