5 Feet of Fury

Oraculations and I are the only two smart people blogging today, apparently

I’ve been slightly stunned by the “what?! The National Enquirer?!?” stuff I keep running into on the web re: the John Edwards story.

Do people just not know things? Don’t you just accrue information about the world around you, like lint, simply by walking around? Apparently not.

And that weird accent on that Enquirer reporter who broke the Edwards escapade story? He’s from Fleet Street, the home of every tab reporter in England, and they are the only reporters who aren’t afraid to actually leave an office or a telephone in order to actually get a story. The Fleet Streeters are in every reportorial enterprise, put in there by the top brass that knows the ever so well educated and genteel journalism school grads from the U.S. aren’t about to get off their asses. You can always bet that Fleet Streeters will get their hands dirty. They will always have the goods.

Exactly. Same thing happened during O.J., when the Enquirer led the way in evidence reporting. Or was that too far away in history for anyone else to remember? Did they never mention this stuff on, like, Family Guy or something, so you missed it?

And no, the Enquirer isn’t the one that reports the Bigfoot stories. That is the now (sadly) defunct Weekly World News. Getting the two mixed up is like confusing the Beatles with the Monkees.

Once there were so many British red top reporters working for the Enquirer and similar papers that canny entrepreneurs opened British style pubs in Boca Raton.

Honestly, my fellow bloggers and their commenters really depress me sometimes.