5 Feet of Fury

North American productivity numbers dipped slightly today

after Mark Steyn employed the phrase “tongue bath” twice in 24 hours.

Representatives for Mr. Steyn categorically denied that he was merely “quoting a Norwegian imam,” before giggling and hanging up.

Other rumours, particularly that one former HRC staffer was even compelled to “call in sick” as a result of reading Steyn’s blog and was later discovered nude on his Art Shoppe chesterfield, covered in Cheetos, cannot be confirmed.

In related news: the Center for Disease Control has now traced last week’s “new strain of flu” — responsible for a separate wave of absenteeism — to Carly Simon’s admission on Fox & Friends that she needs to be spanked regularly.