“Anything that makes your mother cry is fun.”
“Man developed in Africa. He has not continued to do so there.”
“I can understand why mankind hasn’t given up war. During a war you get to drive tanks through the sides of buildings and shoot foreigners — two things that are usually frowned on during peacetime.”
“In comparative terms, there’s no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that when the official U.S. measure of poverty was developed in 1963, a poor American family had an income twenty-nine times greater than the average per capita income in the rest of the world. An individual American could make more money than 93 percent of the other people on the planet and still be considered poor.”
“Sen. Ted Kennedy: ‘And when the Reagan administration was selling arms to Iran, WHERE WAS GEORGE?’ Answer: Dry, sober, and at home with his wife.”
“The Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock? Peace Corps volunteers? Or maybe the people in Texas were attacked because of child abuse. But, if child abuse was the issue, why didn’t Janet Reno tear-gas Woody Allen?”
“When there’s No Child Left Behind. What if the child deserves to be left behind? What if the child deserves a smack on the behind? We have a national testing program to test whether kids are . . . what? Stupid? You’ve got kids. Kids are stupid.”
“You see there was this fellow, Arthur M. Schlesinger Jr., who died early this year and is on his way to being forgotten but who, unfortunately, isn’t quite there yet.”
