5 Feet of Fury

“As I stepped over the baby, I said out loud, ‘Why is there a baby on the floor? Jesus CHRIST!’”

I, too, despise the human race.

The trick is never leaving the house. I’ve gone out about maybe five times since I got fired last month. When I do, people tell me how great I look. Know why? Cuz I haven’t been forced to rub up against smelly Rastas talking to themselves on the bus every morning. That’s my new beauty secret: no foreigners.