5 Feet of Fury

Who needs p*rn when there’s Udolpho’s review of “3:10 to Yuma”?

If you like this movie and you are a guy then I’m sorry but you are quite simply gay and should have rented Brokeback Mountain instead. (…)

“Naturally the critics slurp up all this postmodern faggotry. The only part I liked was a cameo by Luke Wilson as a Chinaman-busting railroad guy, a first for Wilson in that at no point do you hear him creak like old floorboards.”

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Speaking of gay, as one of my readers writes:

“Please tell me ‘Udolpho’ is a hot chick because otherwise I’m starting to wonder about myself…”